'Naughty Bear' Review

First and foremost I would like to state that I was really hyped about this game. This game looked godly, as if it encaptured the thoughts and memories of everyone who destroyed their younger siblings toys as a child. Needless to say, I was excited about this game. My friend Liam was hyped as well. It looked fucking awesome!

If anything I feel sorry for my partner Katie, she spent £38 on this game for me (which I promise to pay back) and at first we thoroughly enjoyed the game.The idea of running around slaughtering loads of innocent bears sounded really fun. In fact the game does kind of get you to side with 'Naughty' bear. But you play about 5-6 levels and then you realise...

EVERY FUCKING LEVEL IS THE SAME!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, this game has just given you 100+ level 1's. Each one ever has the same victims. There is little to no difference. Sure one might have Ninja bears (fucking awesome!) but they do absolutely nothing (fucking lame!). The game may as well just have one level and just leave it at that. The level designs are not different whatsoever.

Then you have the weapons. there are approximately 6 different weapons. And about 1 'overkill' for each one. Again, at first they seem fucking awesome but it does get boring after a while. Even if seeing a bear using a hatchet to carve another bears crotch in half is fucking hilarious, it still gets boring after seeing it for the 100th time. The animations for each kill do not change at any time.

Now you have the bears. This is a minor issue but it is still annoying nonetheless. There are no different characters. Now my first though is shit consistency. The first level is spent hunting down a bear named 'Daddles'. The second level is spent hunting down a bear named 'Chubby' and then I realise that Daddles has barricaded himself in a room. My instant reaction is one of epic confusion as I try to figure out how the bear who committed suicide in front of me in the last level is barricading himself in a room.

He's obviously a zombie *Thriller music kicks in*

Haha now you have the song in your head. Anyone who started singing 'Thriller' to themselves must now pay me in epic amounts of money. Anyway, one thing that really got on my nerves is that one of the little goals for one type of mission in levels 1,2,3,4,5,6 and 7 (there are 7 levels in total by the way) is to kill every bear on sight....THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN FUCKING DOING ALL THIS TIME!!!!! Do these people honestly think that anyone playing this game will NOT take advantage of being a psychopathic teddy bear and killing everything that moves?

The sad thing is that this game had a lot of potential. It just seems lazy. There are millions of things that would improve this game such as: weapon customisation, different levels, fuck tonnes of more bears, zombie bears, character customisation, zombie bears, weapons and zombie bears. Actually... come to think of it this game would have been fucking awesome if Naughty Bear decided he is the best, gets a time machine travels to different parts of history (which is in bear form of course) and kills everything. The possibilities there are endless: Samurai Bears, Ninja Bears, Zombie Bears, Mafia Bears, Spartan Bears, Zombie bears, Shaolin Bears, Vampire Bears, Zombie Bears.

In conclusion, this game is less than XBOX Live Arcade standard but costs nearly 10 times more than it would have done on Arcade. Fucking letdown.







ZOMBIE BEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!